Loving my natural hair has been a journey. I have been documenting my journey since my freshman year in college. I spent years, and I mean years, obsessing over my hair. I absolutely hated my hair and I wanted it to look like all of my White friends’ hair. It took me the rest of my teenage years to win the battle of finding peace with my natural hair.
This made me think about how many Black women are put on the frontlines of this natural hair journey. Why do we have to go on a journey just to love ourselves?
This is not fair.
Sure, everyone else has their own stories about the journey to loving themselves. However, Black women, as a collective, have similar hair battles.
We have all tried to conform to European beauty standards, or felt outcasted in our own spaces because our hair was kinkier than our Black family members or friends. Whatever our experiences were, another Black woman could always relate in some way.
For me, it started in middle school. I had this obsession to always have my hair straightened and pressed. I even got my very own flat iron when I was in 7th grade. I would straighten my hair every day, so much so that no one would suspect I had a curly strand on my head.
This led to the curl damage. I justified straightening my hair because I thought it “looked bad.” I was under the impression that my hair was bad hair and if anyone saw the curls that started at my roots and ended at my ears revealing my straightened ends, they would all laugh and make fun of me.
I was not able to see that my hair was so beautiful, even if it was damaged. But, I knew at some point I needed to let go of my fears of what my peers or even family members would say about my hair if I went natural.
It wasn’t until my later years in high school, I broke out of my insecurity and I started to occasionally wear my hair natural.
I would wake up extra early in the morning before school to wash my hair to make sure it was soaking wet when I styled it. I wanted my 4b curl pattern to somehow magically resemble the loose curls of a 3b pattern. Long story short, it never did.
My hair would shrink like it was supposed to and I hated that for a long time. I had a new goal to have looser curls to look like the lighter skinned Black girls in my grade and even in my own family.
I felt like I could never win when it came to my hair.
During the pandemic, I had time to learn about my curly hair and spend time with it out naturally, so much that I just began to wear it in its natural shape everywhere. I actually began to feel happier and more confident the more I wore it out. Of course, there would be days of that feeling of wanting to cover up my hair or tame it because of the stares I would get in my small town grocery stores.
I resist the urge more often than before to straighten it and I am now comfortable when I make the decision to wear my hair naturally.
I bet there are Black women in this world who have a similar story to mine. As Black women, we do not deserve to go through this type of struggle with our hair identity. There are young girls as young as five who have probably already faced some version of hair discrimination. The mothers of those young girls are probably still struggling with the battle to find peace with their own image of their hair.
Our hair is already so beautiful and luxurious no matter the size or shape of your hair , and we should not have to go through a self-loathing stage to get to how we feel about our hair today. A message for Black women: don’t feel pressure to tame your true selves. You are allowed to wear your hair how you want without any outside factors determining who you are.
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